Self-esteem is a tricky thing to come by unless you’re one of those lucky people who just seems to find their niche in the world early on and never needs to question it. For the rest of us, anxiety about anything and everything can be a maze that never seems to have an exit. It’s not unusual to spend your teens looking for ways to fit in, and this can continue into adulthood, where you expect to find the answers only to realise that most adults are winging it too.
The truth is that, beyond obvious social contract stuff like obeying the law and doing unto others as you would have them do unto you, fitting in is really overrated. If you move with confidence, you will usually find that the world is flexible enough to fit around you. And yes, there are caveats to that, and we will cover that in a bit. But for now, let’s deal with some home truths.
Changing yourself to fit in isn’t worth the effort
Everyone compromises a little to get along in the world. Even the seemingly custom-made “It” girls and guys are usually hiding something, and it could be anything. From insecurity about their voice to some genuinely deep-seated trauma, you’d be surprised what people keep on the down-low. And those compromises are one thing, but when it comes to fashion and personal ethos, burying your personality to fit in will never make you happy, and what’s more it usually doesn’t work on the most basic level. If you’re not feeling it, faking it stands out.
People need to accept you as you are
It’s something our parents usually tell us early on and that we rarely believe, but if people don’t accept you for you, it really isn’t worth working for their approval. If you feel something strongly you’re much better off checking out tattoo gallery and flying your flag than hiding it from the world. Partly because you’ll feel that much freer, but also because the people who you’re likely to vibe with will gravitate to you; the more you let your personality shine through, the more you’ll find your space in the world and the easier it is to enjoy life.
Some people will never get it
The inconvenient truth in all of this is that sometimes, you’ll attract the wrong kind of attention. There are people out there whose “truth” is that they are entitled to make life harder for others. And sometimes standing out means that they’ll direct that towards you. It’s important to remember that these are people who can never be pleased.
No matter what you wear, what you say, or even how you say it, they run on spite, and if you live your life to avoid their gaze it’s both unlikely to work and at the same time gives them more ammo. Genuinely, the best thing you can do is ignore them - and if they cross a line, tell the relevant people. You’re entitled to your place in the world, and you shouldn’t feel you have to change shape to fit into it.
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